Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
