Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
