He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
