so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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