Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
