I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
