your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
