he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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