I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
