Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
