this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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