Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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