I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
