my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
