i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
