so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This is my gift to your gina
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
