Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
