i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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