3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
