bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
