I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
