i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
