I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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