ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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