He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
