LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
