So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
