so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
