this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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