Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
