we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
