is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
