The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
