Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
