Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
