I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
