but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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