Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
