Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
