Well douche your snatch and let's go!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
