everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
