You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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