I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
