I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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