I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
