i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
