"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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