On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
