was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
