We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
