i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
