The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
