this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
