There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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